You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize