I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
