literally had 100 drinks last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
