What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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