So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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