if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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