This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
