I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
