Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
