Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
