I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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