then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
