I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
