i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
