i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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