I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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