I wish my penis had an off switch
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
