He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
