I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
