if only i could text you this smell
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
