I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
