He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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