i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
