It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
