I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
