That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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