Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
