new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
