1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
