I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
