ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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