i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize