The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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