i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
