I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
