Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
