Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
