it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
