false alarm. still invincible.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
