i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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