my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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