I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize