I could have mohawked her pubes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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