Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
