We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
false alarm, still single
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
