I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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