Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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