Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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