my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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