PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
