We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
