Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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