you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
