So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
