More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
