I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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