my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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