he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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