dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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