I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
