Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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