I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
