the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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