I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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