I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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