6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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