I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
