Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
