fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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