idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
