this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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