I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
smell my finger.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
