bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
