Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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