Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
