if you like me you must not know who I am
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ruined the universe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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