tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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