dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
