Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
