it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
