i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
