Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
