"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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