Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
