I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize