I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
