I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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