just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
