Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like eating out sand paper
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
