Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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