I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
