How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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