**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize